Sunday, September 6, 2009

Romantic or Responsible?

Okay, my brother-in-law Donald and I have a difference of opinion on what is considered romantic. And he also seems to have a low opinion of women in that he feels a woman can not give him evidence of a romantic gesture without it involving a man spending money on her.

Donald, and my sister-in-law Susie, and myself were discussing this topic and Donald said that he felt it was romantic for a man to work hard at his job and come home and hand the paycheck over to his wife. He felt it was romantic because the man wasn't looking for anything for himself from the paycheck, he wasn't cashing it and first buying himself something that he wanted, he wasn't stopping at a bar to have a few drinks with the guys, he was coming right home and handing his hard-earned money over to his wife.
Now, Susie said she thought this was evidence of love and not romance. And I agreed.
But after awhile I got to thinking more about it, and while I do think a man who loves his family would act in such a manner, it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with love. I think that behavior is classified under responsibility. I just asked Ray now his opinion and he said that working and bringing home a paycheck is fulfilling a sense of obligation towards your family. You don't have to love somebody to feel responsible for them.

I know of families where the fathers did act very responsibly by working hard at jobs and bringing home their paychecks to provide for their families, but they did not act loving, they were abusive fathers and husbands, so no, there was no romance involved in bringing home a paycheck there, and I don't feel there was much love involved at all.

As far as jobs and chores, generally, I don't find it romantic to do either one. I don't think it's at all romantic for me to clean the house, and I don't feel the least bit slighted if Ray doesn't look at that like a romantic gesture toward him! And if he chooses to do some cleaning himself here, I don't think that's romantic either. It's his home too! I appreciate any help anyone wants to throw my way in anything I'm endeavoring to do, but I don't think it's necessarily romantic! But there are exceptions to that. When Ray knows I want my blog to have a new look, and he changes that for me, I find that very romantic. When he's washing pots and pans after I've finished cooking, not so romantic.

Donald said he had asked a few women to give examples of a romantic gesture, and he said all the women he asked said things like, "A nice dinner, or bring home flowers, or surprise them with jewelry, or candy, or some little gift." He did not like at all that every example was materialistic and involved spending money.
I said that I agreed that those things were romantic and I also agreed that they were tangible acts of romance that involved the man spending money, but I don't feel that all romantic gestures have to involve money at all.
Raymond has picked through the neighbors garbage and brought me home some of my most prized possessions in my home, now that's romantic and it didn't involve spending one penny!

Taking a walk together, planning for the future, a back massage, holding hands, cuddling, a kiss, a hug, a special look you give each other in a crowd, compliments, all these are romantic and don't involve money spent by either partner.
Some of the romantic things Ray has done for me lately are: putting my favorite songs on my IPod, fixing my blog for me, showing interest in the things that interest me, knowing the names and remembering the stories about my blog friends (WOW!), giving me phone calls throughout the day just to say 'hello', and when he gets out of bed in the mornings he fixes the covers to make sure I'm tucked in when he's getting up to take his shower.
Those are just a few of the things that I consider very romantic gestures.

I'd like to know everyone's opinion on this subject. What do you think?


  1. Romance....sigh! It has been so long since I have had any romance in my life, however, I don't think spending money has much to do with it.
    I think it is romantic when a man, opens doors, and pulls out chairs, when he carresses your cheek and hair, when he listens intently and does not give advice, when he writes you a poem, or sings you a song, or remembers little things about you. I think it is romantic when a man, looks nice and smells good, and he gives an honest compliment, and massages your feet when you are tired, and when he says he is sorry, and really means it. There is also a special look in the eyes of romantic men who are in, to me that is the most romantic thing of all (the way men look at you) These are all things that do not cost a penny. I hope this helps Eileen... ((((HUGS)))) 555

  2. Hi Eileen-

    Oh such a wonderful post. :-)

    First, romantic/romance is very subjective - it is personal and unique to each couple.
    For us it is in the simple day to day gestures tha say "I adore you". SOme examples, my husband always 'criss-crosses the place mats so when we share a meal we are 'connected' more. when he comes home from work and if I am already in bed he comes right upstairs and tucks me in snuggly and kisses me. I know how he likes his sandwiches or other foods prepared and I love "serving" him. He buys bird seed and food for all the wild life I so enjoy. I remind him of his sons birthdays - and I do so lovingly and gently - and every time, he says, "oh yup, I remembered". We both know he didn't but we keep it quiet. :-) We call each other through out the day just to say "I love you". We love to watch movies together all comfy on our couch with quilts and snacks. He considers me and I consider him in every thing I do and say. We still hold hands. We sing together all the time. We hold dear and honor what is important to each other. And romance does have a place in the bedroom - we respect each other and enjoy each other - and know each other's desires - add some candles and music - andit is a romantic celebration.

    And there you have it - romance ala'; Gail and Skipp. :-)

    Love Gail

  3. Eileen, as I read your post I had to smile, this question has befuddled the ages.

    In my opinion you and Donald are both right...what woman doesn't like flowers, or jewelry, I think being tucked in or fixing your blog and doing things that he knows will make you happy and bring a smile to your face, is very romantic, what woman wouldn't like that as well.

    I will be interested in reading others comments, romance to one person may be a burden to another as our perceptions make our realities.

    Now me, I love going for walks/drives, sharing a meal, sharing each others interest, just being with someone I know who truly cares for me as I do for him...that is what I find your topic, love you
    as always many hugs......:-)

  4. Well this is simple for me Eileen because I agree with every word that you said. I do think though that men and women's brains work totally differently so what is romantic to them may not be romantic to us. Jake is fairly romantic. The most romantic thing that he does for me, in my opinion is when I am sitting in my recliner with no make-up, my old clothes and bandanna on and tired as hell and he says "You are so beautiful." I think that he is crazy but it is very romantic to me! Love Di

  5. Eileen...I think you have a keeper in Ray.
    he's romantic beyond words.
    Words, money....not necessary for romance.
    It's in the the the 'doing'...
    Do you have a "Rent A Ray?" (just kidding...hope you know that...!!!)
    Love to you both!

  6. A man supporting and caring for his family is very romantic to me. If he is abusive, then NOTHING he does is romantic.
    Hey, and where is your food for the day? I have been so entertained by what you eat each day.

    He fixes your covers before getting out of bed in the morning?! That is off the charts romantic!

  7. Thank you, Ladies, for all your comments, and I love everyone's ideas of 'romantic'.
    And Jill, you made Donald very happy that you agreed with him!
    And I did do a food post for yesterday late last night and I'm about to do one for today now (if Blogger cooperates and let's me load the pictures!).

    I've come to the conclusion that we are all right on the subject of romance, it is unique and personal to each couple, and how lucky the couple that think ALIKE on that subject!

    LOVE TO YOU ALL!, Eileen

  8. Hi Eileen! What a sweet hubby Ray is! I love all the sweet things he does for you! What a lucky woman you are :) The things that don't cost are the most precious and the MOST romantic!
    The fact that he tucks you in when he gets up in the morning...that's awesome!!
    Love, Jerelene