Sunday, December 6, 2009

When A Mother's Love Loses Direction

When I write about a mother's love losing direction, I'm not talking about a mother's love for her children, I'm talking about her childrens' love for her. I just finished writing and publishing a post and then went on to visit my blogger friends, and I came to my friend Diana who wrote that she had just lost her Mom. Her mother had passed away in her sleep and Diana said she just felt sort of numb about the whole thing.

I remember that feeling well. I remember not really knowing how to feel, for I had never spent a moment on earth without my Mom here also. I could not wrap my mind around it. And I remember reading somewhere that losing your mother is losing so many 'firsts' as she was our first teacher, she was first to nourish us, first to comfort us, first to gaze on us, and she was the first face we gazed on. And once she's gone, so much of us goes with her.
Everything that our mother was here on earth, everything that our relationship with her entailed goes with her to Heaven.

And I still haven't found what to do with all the love. What do you do with all the love? We have different levels and different types of love for all the relationships in our life, you can't take the love you have for your spouse and direct it toward a friend, it's a different kind of love. And friendship loves are very different from the brotherly love we try to extend to even strangers. And you can't take the love you have for your mother and put it elsewhere, it's a love you have reserved for your mother alone, and she's gone. What do you do with all those feelings for her? What do you do with the love that's reserved for your mother alone?

I think that is the hardest part of losing anyone in life. You have all these feelings and all this love for each and every relationship in your life, and when you lose one of them there's nowhere to put that love anymore. It will always be directed at that void. Eventually you will stop looking for them when you hear the front door open, you will stop thinking that you might hear their voice on the other end of a phone ringing, you won't search for their face in the crowd, but you will always, always want to show them in some way that you love them and have them acknowledge that love and return it. No matter what anyone tells you, that is the hardest part of losing someone, for it is from this frustration that all other emotional problems arise when you lose a loved one.

Please pray for my friend Diana in this time of her great loss.

And for those of you who still have your Mom, that love you have for her, pour it out hundredfold.


  1. Beautifully said, Eileen...
    I love my Mama with all my heart. I just phoned her. I talk with her every day.
    This is a beautiful blog....and I pray for Diana as she is suffering a loss too great for words.

  2. Losing one's mother is a terrible loss...for a very long time, I would catch myself thinking I'll call mother and let her know...whatever the good news or bad might have been, I always shared it with my mother...I miss her more than I dreamed possible...just as it is with you thoughts and prayers are with Diana.

  3. I agree, Eileen. It is one of the toughest losses of all. Only God can fill that void. I love Him because he is both father and mother to me and has been for many, many years. There are scriptures that talk about him gathering his children, much as a bird or hen gathers their babies under their wings. There is a very maternal side to Him in addition to Him having the strong, paternal side of His nature. But He is the only thing I know that can fill that void.

    I also love my closest friends dearly, and I've found that women who were close to their own mothers and have lost them, know how to love back. :-)



  4. There is nothing to be compared to losing one's mother. I don't think we ever quite recover. We just learn to mother ourselves, and mother others. I often hear my Mom's voice in my head when I am trying to make a decision. I believe heaven is not very far away, and the connection and love is still flowing. The bond between mother and child is matter how old we get, or whether they are on this side of the veil, or beyond.

  5. Eileen, I still have the phone tape of my mom's last phone message to me and when I want to remember her voice I listen to it...there are no words to describe the loss of my mom. I loved her so very much and my world certainly changed when she passed but she left me with so much love that I just had to move outside myself and share it with others and yes I have let it pour out me.....whoever needs a hug I give it and I love everyone even if they reject mom taught me that and gave me the wings to spread it around....hugs to Jayden and Mia.......:-)

  6. Indeed, I will continue to share time with my mother-so-dear. This is a wonderful post. God be with you and yours.

  7. What an interesting perspective on loving, Eileen...I never thought of it that way. Thank heavens that God gives us so much love that we can keep on loving. Bernie put it very nicley about needing to just hug everyone.

    Mothers just love and are there for us no matter what, whereas everyone else in our lives has the "potential" to leave us emotionally or physically. They are almost always on "our side" when the chips are down with anyone else or anything else and their hugs are the greatest...I miss my sweet mother more than words can say and she was a wonderful example for me to follow in kindness and love.

    blessings and motherly hugs,


  8. I still have my mother and I needed this reminder, Eileen. This is a sad day for all of us as we share Diana's sorrow. I just wish it could take some of the weight of it off of her. May God give you new and fresh comfort and perspective as you think of your own mother. Gather strength from her example and may God's peace bring you stability and joy to pass on to your family in her place.

  9. HI EILEN-
    So beautifully written my friend, just beautiful. Your heartfelt and deeply personal words about loving your Mother, loving Mother's, is so glorious that I am moved to tears. I am so aware of how precious my Mom is every day - I love her SO much - and I adore her too. And that love has magnified when I shared her with our Village - and all of you fell "in love" with her too - I felt so good about that.
    I am heart-sick for Diana - and I am holding her close in prayer.
    Thank you Eileen for sharing your beautiful heart.
    Love to you

  10. Tears are streaming down my cheeks...I want my Mommy! I miss her more and more everyday, how I wish I had one more day, one more moment, one more hour to give her all the love I have in my heart "just for her"...very well written Eileen, and Diana, I am so sorry for your loss! ((((HUGS TO ALL THE VILLAGERS))) T

  11. There are so many loses in life but losing our mothers, and for me my grandmother, was just the worse. For me losing my mother was so shocking and I rememer thinking now I'm an orphan. It's like a cord has been cut to everything important in life. I used to call my mother's phone number in the beginning wishing desperately that she would pick it up. It's so hard. The thing that has helped me, besides the fact that I know we will meet agin some day is, I believe there is a very fine line between the living and the dead. I believe they are all watching over us. I live in the moment but I deeply cherish all of my memories of the people I love. I think we have to find our joy. We need to hug and cherish the people we do have and keep the memories of those we love, who have died, alive by sharing all of the wonderful things we learned from them.

  12. Oh Eileen...what a beautiful post...You are such a sweet and precious angel. I have felt so badly about Diana losing her Mom. My Mom is in very poor health and I worry about losing her all the time..Thank you so much for writing this. I know you understand how she feels because you've been through it already. I bet it brings back a lot of sad memories for you...Hugs to you Eileen..and I will be praying for Diana and her family...
    Love you...Jerelene

  13. Just thinking about loosing my mum makes me feel ill. I talk and see my mum almost every second day. I adore her. We are so very close.

  14. This is such a touching post, Eileen...not a day goes by that I don't think of my mom, and how much I miss her. She died in 1983, but it seems like a week ago. I feel sad for Diana...I know full well what a difficult time this is for her.

    As for what to do with all the love that was directed at them, I think it still is. I can't give it to anyone's just from me to heart still sends the love out to her memory and to her place in my heart. We can't explain it, it just is.

    I will lift Diana up in prayer...thanks for sharing this so we can all support her in prayer and thoughts.

    God bless you, dear Eileen!