Friday, January 8, 2010

"Par For The Course" ~ Is This Any Way To Live?

My attitude has been to treat everything negative that has been happening in my life these past few days with equal value:

E-mail problems ~ big whoop.
Blogger's acting up again ~ oh well.
Forgot to pay Jayden's tuition on time ~ well, there goes another twenty-five dollar late fee out the window. Big deal.
Another terrorist caught and apprehended five blocks from my home ~ par for the course. What are you going to do? I guess if it's meant to be that we get blown to smithereens, well then it's meant to be.

Seriously, when I saw on TV that another home-grown terrorist had been arrested while trying to get away from the police right at the Whitestone Bridge, my reaction was, "Is that right? Really?', as if some interesting little nothing tidbit had just been given to me. And when I heard that five more terrorists that live nearby were just arrested today my reaction was, "You don't say?"

Is this any way to live? I feel as if I've been given some mind-numbing drug.

It's not that I have no feelings about anything. I've had some really sad news lately, private things that I think family members and friends would not want me to blog about. Heartbreaking situations really, situations that not only leave my heart broken for them, but the unfairness of it all outrages my heart.

It feels strange not to 'blog' about things I feel consumed about, and maybe that's why I haven't been blogging all that much. When you don't share the things that are overwhelming your life, what's left? Everything else seems mundane, even terrorists being arrested in your own back yard. Or I should say, ESPECIALLY terrorists, those that choose to create heartache and suffering in their own lives and the lives of innocents, yes, in light of recent events that have unfolded in my life and the lives of loved ones, even the arrests of terrorists in my own home town has for me become dull, commonplace, dreary, and uninteresting, as has so much else.


  1. Oh I'm so sorry for your pain Eileen. I don't know what it is but I will pray for you. I understand not feeling like blogging. I can't blog either when I am really going through something. And I too can relate to being numb to the challenges around you when you are dealing with something higher on a personal level. Hang in there and know you have many friends here supporting you, whatever your needs may be.

  2. Hi Eileen, I am sorry to learn that you are having some personal heartache...I will continue praying for all of you as I always do.
    Life is quickly changing around us, some good and more things not so good....I know you have a strong faith so I urge you to turn to it now and believe with all your heart that God's will be done and everything will work out. Sometimes we have no control over what is happening in our life but we do have control over our reactions to everything....know that I love you and am here for you now and whenever you many need me.....big hugs to Jayden and Mia........:-) Hugs


    Oh Eileen I am SO sorry you are dealing with injustice, hurt and unfair reality in your family. I am having an "ick" day too. I wrote recently about struggling to blog about stuff about my family but I did and all of the feedback was so wonderful. But you write or not write whatever feels okay to you - I am not suggesting any "shoulds", phew.
    I just got some more bad news an hour after I finished my post today about my Aunt - very sad stuff. My Mom is SO overwhelmed and I feel like I have nothing left to help everyone. I am barely keeping myself in balance. 'ick'. That's my word for today, 'ick', I guess you figured that out, huh? :-) I love you Eileen and all thatr you are and do and share.

  4. Well, this just proves to me what I already know. You are a kind, generous, loving and caring lady. You could not ignore the pain of others and since you don't you are feeling the pain. One cannot truly love and not feel disappointment and pain. That's why you hope. Don't stop being who you are. Continue to hope and love!! You are cherished by all for this! CAthy

  5. My heart-felt feelings of concern go out to you Eileen...wish there was more we could do to lift your spirits. Hopefully this is of the nature that could possibly improve or correct itself soon and your sense of well being restored. Sorry for your sadness and heartbreak Eileen. Just know we care!

  6. Oh, sweet and dear friend Eileen... I'm so sorry you have had trouble in your life and the lives of those you love.

    It's strange, but I think that we have become numb to many things that happen in society because we can't live in the vacumn of fear. But still, that's awfully close to home! I hate that they are that near you!!! And I'm thankful to God they were caught.

    Please know I'm thinking of you and sending you warm and tender thoughts across the miles...


    Sheila :-)

  7. Hi Eileen,
    It's sounds to me like you have been bombarded with a lot lately. I have several friends whot can't even watch the news any more because it's so depressing. Terriorism is real and it's in our country. I don't think enough is being done about it myself. Family situations are the most difficult because sometimes there is nothing at all we can do about them. I hope you will talk to someone. I don't think it is good to bottle it up inside. In the mean time please know that I am keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers.
    Love, Carol

  8. Hi Eileen,
    I am so sorry to hear you are going through so much, and it makes it twice as hard when you bottle it up inside. I hope you have someone you can open up your heart to that will understand what you are going through. Journalling helps, and if you need a listening ear you can email me:

    I saw one of your comments about doing the 'Dave Ramsay' baby steps, and just wanted you to know I think it is wonderful. I listen to his talk show every afternoon while I am driving to and from my service calls. He is great! So much wisdom. (((LOVE and HUGS))) T

  9. Oh, Eileen...I'm so glad you are safe!!!! But I'm going to be praying for the overwhelming circumstances that are consuming your thoughts...and heart for your family!!!! I'm so very, very sorry...Love you so much!! Janine XO

  10. “In the world it is called Tolerance, but in hell it is called Despair, the sin that believes in nothing, cares for nothing, seeks to know nothing, interferes with nothing, enjoys nothing, hates nothing, finds purpose in nothing, lives for nothing, and remains alive because there is nothing for which it will die." (Dorothy Sayers)

    This quote has been haunting me. I don't want to be "tolerant" in the sense of numb. I want to be passionate about life and my faith. I'm asking God to restore my (and your) passion and perspective.

    It takes time for emotions and hurts to settle and heal. In it all, keep yourself saturated with the truth of God's love for you. The Psalms are often helpful to read when your world is shaking and shaken.

    I am "here". You are surrounded by many, many who care and are praying for you.

  11. I think that the brain numbing feeling is a natural defense mechanism. When we experience emotional pain, sometimes we tend to shut down or close off emotionally. You will come back. You have to, for Jayden.
    We can only handle so much pain at one time. You will come back soon. We all love you Eileen, so you can vent or you can choose not to for now. We'll all be here for you either way.
    Love Di

  12. Ah the comfort of the village at work once again! You do know we are here to listen even if you don't write about what is breaking your heart. We still are feeling your breaking heart throughout the village. I am so glad for the connection we all have. We are truly blessed aren't we!