Friday, February 11, 2011

Thinking About Major Changes

Ray and I have been thinking about making some major changes. A change in location, a change in our family situation, a change of job for Ray, and a major lifestyle change for me. We are thinking of relocating from North to South.
We've been down south for numerous vacations and we've always enjoyed it. I have some family and friends that live in the south. And so many family and friends vacation there too.
We are very interested in a specific area, and a home built by a specific builder. We are getting tired of bitter cold, icy, snowy winters, and we'd very much enjoy a milder climate. Ray would also like to scale back on his commute to work and the 'rat race' that is the New York City rush hour. We'd also like to ease up on our financial commitments and a move out of New York City could do that for us. These are all the positives entailed in moving.

The negatives would be losing the daily connection of cherished family and friends. The BIG negative would be the miles between us and the kids and grandkids. I love that the kids can drop in anytime for a visit, to do a load of laundry, to ask us to babysit, to watch a football game with Ray, and I love the family 'get-togethers' for parties and holidays. I always knew that the close daily contact/relationship that I have with my grandson Jayden would eventually have to change, but this move would hasten that change in an abrupt manner. Not a situation that I think either Ray or I are looking forward to with relish, and not something that would be very welcome to Jayden at first either. This is the only home he's known.
Kids are resilient though, and Jayden always talks with a lot of excitement when he's going to be staying at his Daddy's house, so I think he will fare much better in the upheaval than Ray or I will when it comes to changing these living arrangements.

Another big negative for me would be leaving the home I grew up in. Well, to be fair, it was not the home I was born to, that was a tiny little semi-attached house that also held a lot of nice memories and I survived that move. This house was my home for ten years before I got married (we moved here when I was nine and then I was married and moved out at nineteen), and then it was my home again when I moved my own family in twenty-nine years ago this June. So I have a lot of wonderful memories and a great attachment to this home we live in, but I also realize that a home is more than walls, doors, floors, and windows. I love this house and all the memories it holds for me, but I can love another home too, and the wonderful thing about memories is that you can move them with you.

What I really would love is to be able to pick up everything and everyone (family, friends, the house I grew up in) and relocate it all.
So the next year will be spent weighing pros and cons.
Once these changes are made there will be no turning back. And I don't want to be like other couples who have so many regrets after retiring and/or relocating. Ray and I were actually in that regretful relocation boat once before many years ago. We moved from New York to Minnesota when our oldest son, Brian, was only five months old. Our son, Erik, was born there, and when he was five months old we moved back 'home' to New York. I think maybe if the boys had been older, maybe school age, and I had met other mothers, things may have been different. But I felt so isolated, and both Ray and I are so 'family oriented', and we both come from big families, so even though we are both homebodies, it was a very lonely life for me.
Ray always says he would be happy on a deserted island with just he and I, but I think he would feel just as sad leaving the grandchildren behind. And now we have little Sophie making her entrance into our world next month too.
So, we have some very tough decisions ahead of us in thinking about major changes.



    Oh my, I feel every emotion in the decisions you are making. I feel excited and broken hearted all at once. I know you and Ray will do what is best - mostly, I feel sad. And I understand.
    Love to you

  2. It sounds as though you have a lot of praying to do Eileen. I can empathize with you not wanting to leave your family but starting a new life is always something to look forward to. At least to me it is and was when we left Chicago to move here.
    I could do it again, I would miss my grandkids but I wouldn't mind moving from this area and starting a new life.
    Unfortunately saying goodbye is and always will be a part of life. But it isn't always the end either. Love Di ♥

  3. I am glad you and Ray are taking your time to think, pray and talk about this big move. You are blessed to have family and friends in both places. It will be different but if it is what you both want, it will work.
    I am moving back home next summer, will be spending 6 months in New Brunswick and 6 months in Florida. I have two brothers and their wives who live this way and love it. My sister is going to be sharing my life in Florida and I am really looking forward to it. I have been planning this for 5 years now and am so looking forward to it. I will pray for you sweetie, all will be well when it is done with a good heart and much prayer......:-)Hugs

  4. OH MY GOSH MY DEAR FRIEND I know exactly what you are going through. I KNOW! 8 years ago my hubby was medically in such bad shape and he could not work, I had lost my job, we were living in our dream home he built with his own 2 hands and it was daughter had moved away to NC 3 years earlier, my son was in a car accident that nearly killed him, my other son and wife just had a baby (our second grand child and first grandson) and I prayed and prayed and prayed and kept getting the same answer that I DID NOT WANT TO HEAR and we ended up moving to where we are now! 5 hours away from where we were, in a strange little city, not knowing anyone....and we were unpacking the moving truck on a Sunday, Mother's Day of all days. I thought I was going to just die of lonesomeness but I willingly turned it completely over and here I am today...happy as can be and so in love with my life and a much healthier hubby. Just listen to that "still small voice" inside will be alright. You will make the right decision what ever it is..and you will NOT DIE even though you think you will when you have to say a goodbye to the grandies....I have such a different and special relationship with mine...they are so excited to see me when they do and it is wonderful! Eileen I am sooo excited for you! We should talk!

  5. Like you say, pros and cons. For me, it is amazing to hear how long you lived in one house. But like you say about that too, it is just a house, you can make a home anywhere and be very happy. An adjustment is just that, a change to adjust to. You two will know what is right for you and make good choices together.

  6. This is so hard. I think I could (and probably should) write a similar post. I am having a hard time just moving out of this house and across town...but I feel we should do this.

    I didn't realize you lived in that same home as a child. Amazing. What history. Please keep us posted on your thoughts.