The Gift of Prayer

As a self-admitted control freak, it is hard for me to let go sometimes, and it is frightening to acknowledge that I have no real authority over my life. But in my prayer life I strive to release myself to God and allow Him to lead me where He wants me to be. I would like very much to have an abiding acceptance of His Plan for my life. I would like very much to surrender my life wholly to God but my fear is spiritually paralyzing at times and makes me weak. It is something I am working on. I know that the times in my life when I have surrendered myself to God’s Will, the peace that engulfed me was all-consuming and fulfilling to me, yet it is still difficult for me to fully submit my will over to God's Will. And I don't know why that is because I am well aware that God's Plan for my life is a much better plan than anything I may have planned for my own life. So this senseless quandary is one of the many things I have to pray about.

I read on a blog recently about the benefits of meditating prayer and how it can give you a deeper relationship with God by giving you a deeper prayer life. I never liked the idea of meditating that much though, I always felt that meditating produced more a result of getting in touch with yourself rather than getting in touch with God. I also read recently that Centering Prayer is very much like that in some ways, Centering Prayer is a coming away from your daily activities of life, finding a quiet place around you and inside you, and deepening your relationship with God by putting yourself in the Presence of God. In Centering Prayer you have to quiet your mind and take an inward journey, but as thoughts creep into your mind to distract you, you need to keep reminding yourself to come back to the Sacred Presence of God, which really is quite the opposite of self-contemplation. I can definitely see the benefit in that and I would think what is formed during that journey to the soul is more beautiful than any other inward or outward journey one can take, and I imagine that type of prayer is so much more than anything you could inspire on your own. And while I can appreciate that and I would like to try to pray in that way at times, I don’t think meditating prayer should take anything away from the hurried, rushed prayers that we may utter as we go about our busy lives, I think any form of prayer that brings us closer to God has meaning.
As someone who at one time was unable to pray, I think any connection you can make with God is of immense worth to your soul. Just a word, a small plea, even just a feeling given over to God is a prayer worthwhile in my opinion. At one time I took the ability to pray for granted, now I know the value of this Gift from God of prayer, and I would not ever categorize one form of prayer as better than another. To me, any form of prayer is a Gift from God.

I also think the selfless acts we perform at times are a form of prayer, and they too are a demonstration of our relationship with God. I think the best I do in life, any and all selfless acts of love are God-inspired. And I think that too is what prayer is about, it’s not only us talking to God, it’s God talking to us, it is God inspiring us to speak and act as He would have us do. The me-inspired actions in my life have been my most self-centered and selfish acts and they had nothing to do with God and nothing to do with prayer.

As Lent comes to a close and I think about Easter approaching I am going to try and look for a deepening relationship with God in all forms of prayer, for I think heart and soul, it is there in that focus on God, in whatever form of prayer we encounter Him, it is there we gain spiritual strength to go beyond selfish reflections, and it is there that we have the courage to let go and entrust ourselves to His Care.